JY with some scoops on world soccer
Hello there!
Jimmy Yuill here again kids with some more EXCLUSIVE scoops on World Soccer. As I said in the last edition of GLF, I have my finger on the very pulse of football, and it certainly is THROBBING this month as we hurtle towards the YUILLTIDE season. That pratt from Swinton can piss off, 'cos there's only one man with the big glasses, and you're reading his column now punters. Anyway, enough of this smalltalk, and an with more startling revelations.
No.1
FALKIRK me te be renamed FATKIRK !
Yes, it's true. Fatkirk have new signing Dougie ( 18 KEBABS before every game) Robertson turning out these days for the bloated Bairns. There's even talk of bringing PAT MCCLUSKEY & JIM BAXTER back to Bockville, as they've bad talks over a large chinese carry-out with Aim "TUBBY" Turner of top TV soap "Emmerdale Farm". This is very appropriate, as Brockville does tend to reseble a muddy pig-pen on most match days'. More on this story later, as yy "moles" are still hard at work.
No.2
THEY DISGRACED us!
'Last month, we had an exclusive on the MIKE LARNACH story with reference to the KEEP MOTHEREELL TIDY scandal. Who can forget that one eh? Anyway, even that sensational story is NOTHING compared to this story concerning a certain Mr CRAWFORD BAPTIE!
As all 'Well tans know, Crawfards first home game was against Dundee, when he scored two goals. Was he good, or was that Dundee defence crap? After a few games, the home fans used to greet his name being included in the starting line-up with : " Aw naw'. No that big lanky gavkit' B*****D!" Anyroadup, this tale is of TWILIGHT ZONE proportions. When Crawford took te the field of play, be vas 6ft 5". When he jumped, he miraculosly became 3FT!!! I'm sure that Mr Ross McWhirter would be interested in that one! It you do see Crawford on a Christmas Special Edition of "Record Breakers", then you'll soon know which footy-fanzine old Ross reads! -
No.3 ALEX SPARK
Now here's an even STRANGER one! In fact it's so confidential that I cannot possibly print ay exclusive on the great man at the moment. I'll have to consult ay mate ALEX CAMEROON and the GLF legal-eagles before we can plunge head-first into this one! Suffice to say, that if you dig out the team photo from 1976, you'll note that Mr Spark seemed to be somewhat ahead of his time when it came-to fashion, physique and appearance.
ALL THE HALLMARKS OF A TIMEWARP
More next time, and a happy Easter to all.
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